Here are some great ways to become an "Uber" Parent. These generally are only recommended for Grand Parents since it's OK for them to "Uber" their grand children:

Become obsessed with doing what's right for your child prior to conception

• Take pre-natal vitamins
• Plan when to conceive so it coincides with the perfect birth date

• Take multi vitamins
• Exercise
• Obsess with the nursery (make sure it's better than your best friends)
• Plan out the first 18 years of your child's life with milestones, dates and useful resource materials

During the baby years make lists of all the things that need to happen to ensure the perfect child hood

• Make sure you buy Oshkosh Bgosh products
• Shop at Baby Gap
• Buy Avent bottles and be sure to boil prior to every use
• Ensure all milestones for baby years are met before any friends or neighbors children
  1. Rolling over first
  2. Crawling first
  3. Jabbering first
  4. Walking first
  5. Talking first

1. Fighting over must have gifts at Waltmart during Christmas is a must (going to jail for it even better because it shows true dedication to the study of "Uber")
2. Pony's, clowns, and giant blow up water bouncy things at every birthday party
3. Lot 's of threatening of time outs for bad behavior with very little follow through
4. Ensure all milestones for toddler years are met before any friends or neighbors children
   1. Rides bike without training wheels first
   2. Says ABCs and counts to 100 first
   3. Sign up for the best pre-K program first

• Step in to every disagreement with a neighbor's kid
• Continue to get in fights at Wal-Mart during Christmas but don't go to jail since it would be a second offense
• Do their homework for them
• Obsess over their eating habits
• Do thorough back ground checks on all of the their friends parents before letting them spend the night or ride in the car to the movies
• Ensure all milestones for pre teen years are met before any friends or neighbors children
  • Have straight As
  • Achieves honor roll (and be sure to get the bumper sticker for validation)
  • Ensure your child is completely anxious and nervous around his friends when you're around

• Tape record phone calls between your child and their friends who you are suspicious of
• Make them check in hourly even if they are just hanging around the neighborhood
• Ensure they get three square meals a day and cause an argument if they aren't hungry until they eat something
• Contact coaches who don't pick them for teams
• Contact teachers who give them an F on a report card, report, test or surprise quiz
• Let them get their driver's license but continue to drive them everywhere
• Get GPS tracking system on their car
• Better yet, embed a GPS tracking chip under their skin on their left arm
• Ensure all milestones for teen years are met before any friends or neighbors children
  1. Continue to be on honor roll
  2. Ensure they continue to get straight As so they can apply to an Ivy League college
  3. Hit the game winning home run, score winning goal or win whatever division of sport they play
  4. Score 1400 on SAT

• Insist on seeing every report card
• Continuously ask when report cards will be coming out
• Call every day to see how there day was
• Always ask if they have enough money, if they are seeing someone and if they are eating enough
• Call any professor who fails your child
• Go into denial if they fracture an occasional law and keep sending them money
• Ensure all milestones for teen years are met before any friends or neighbors children
  1. Always have excellent grades at Harvard
  2. Dating the Dean of Students child
  3. Graduating Suma Cum Lada something or other
  4. Moving home, not having a job and going back to mowing lawns or paper route

• Continue to cook them meals
• Don't charge them rent
• Pay their car payment, insurance and any tickets they get
• Wash and iron their clothes
• Tell them when to get a hair cut
• Congratulate yourself on successfully being an "Uber" Parent